In Episode 1, I briefly mentioned that American kindergartens teach children about leadership.
Today, I would like to explore that idea a little further.
This happened more than twenty years ago.
When my son started attending a public kindergarten in the United States, one of the things that surprised me most was hearing his teacher repeatedly say to a classroom full of four-year-olds:
“Exercise your leadership!”
Having known only the Japanese education system—and being thoroughly Japanese myself—I remember thinking:
“Wow! This is America. They are so advanced!”
My jaw practically dropped.
The teachers clearly understood the power that the word leadership had on the children.
Whenever a teacher said, “Exercise your leadership,” the children would immediately sit up a little straighter. Their expressions seemed to say, “I’m going to become a great leader someday.”
What a wonderful way to give children a positive image of themselves, I thought.
But what did “exercising leadership” actually mean to a four-year-old?
The children were taught three simple principles known as the “Three Ps”:
- Punctual — Be on time.
- Polite — Be courteous and kind to everyone.
- Prepared — Come prepared and remember what you need.
If a child missed the school bus and arrived late, that meant the child had not exercised leadership.
If a child forgot something, that was also a failure to exercise leadership.
And if a child hit another child and made them cry, the same idea applied: the child had not shown leadership.
One day, while I was volunteering at the school as a parent assistant, I happened to witness two children fighting over a toy. One of them ended up in tears.
The teacher did not immediately say, “Apologize.”
Instead, she told them, “Talk it through.”
First, she asked each child to explain what had happened.
“How did this happen?”
Then—and this was the part that truly impressed me—she asked them to reflect on their emotions.
“How did you feel?”
“Ethan took my toy, so I got angry. It hurt my feelings.”
“But I had been waiting for a long time, and Mike wouldn’t let go of the toy. So I got angry, too.”
The teacher continued.
“What could you have said to help him understand?”
“I could have said, ‘I’m next. I’m waiting for my turn.’”
“And what could Mike have said?”
“He could have said, ‘Okay. You can play with it next.’”
Only after the children had talked through what had happened, recognized their emotions, and considered what they could have said differently did the teacher ask them to apologize to each other.
This was Polite in practice.
Be kind to others. Express your feelings clearly with words. Do not allow your emotions to control your behavior.
In this way, children were taught that leadership begins with themselves—before it ever involves leading anyone else.
At the same time, they were learning how to manage themselves, communicate their feelings, and work through conflict.
Suddenly, I understood why so many Americans grow up believing, “I am a leader.”
It all began to make sense.
Yet this idea—that leadership begins with governing oneself—is certainly not unique to America.
Recently, I received an essay by Hideaki Fujio, president of Chichi Publishing, from his series A Short Philosophy of Life. In it, he introduced a story from the late Masahiro Yasuoka’s book on the Lüshi Chunqiu, an ancient Chinese classic.
During China’s Shang dynasty, King Tang asked his renowned minister Yi Yin:
“I want to rule the world. What must I do?”
Yi Yin replied that if the king wished to rule the world, he must first learn to govern himself.
「凡そ事の本は、必ず先ず身を治む」
The foundation of all things lies first in governing oneself.
Fujio wrote that although these words were spoken thousands of years ago, human nature has not changed at all.
To govern oneself.
That is the foundation of leadership.
If we cannot exercise leadership over ourselves, nothing else can begin.
Perhaps a child wants to become a firefighter, an astronaut, or a florist.
Or perhaps she wants to become a divorce lawyer.
Yes, I really did know a five-year-old girl who gave that answer.
To make a childhood dream come true, we must first think about what will bring us closer to it. Then we must take the necessary actions, one by one.
From time to time, we need to stop and ask ourselves whether the path we are following will actually lead us to our goal. We need to gather new information, build the right relationships, and create a network of people who can help us grow.
That is how we climb the staircase—one step at a time.
And the five-year-old girl who said she wanted to become a divorce lawyer?
Twenty-two years later, she graduated from law school this year.
She has now joined a prominent family law firm in New York!
There was also a sixteen-year-old girl who once declared:
“I want to join the CIA and become a spy.”
Two years ago, she really did join the CIA.
Now, whenever I ask about her work, the only answer I receive is:
“It’s classified.”
I am delighted that she achieved her dream, although I must admit that not being able to hear anything about it is a little disappointing….
Both women, however, continued to exercise leadership over their own lives as they moved toward the futures they had imagined.
Achieving a personal dream and achieving an organization’s vision are, at their core, the same.
We decide what we want to accomplish. We consider what is required to reach it. We take responsibility for moving ourselves forward, build relationships with others, and proceed one step at a time.
That, I believe, is leadership.
Next week, we will turn our attention to leadership within an organization.
Thank you very much for reading this week’s story!